I ask myself, “Were do I start?” There have been so much happen in the last few months. It seems life is sometime hard to understand. Between work and my personal life there is not much time for anything. I don’t know who ever said “Find a work/life balance.” If I did I would want to punch them in the face. I absolutely love my job, but for the love of god, I am 23 I feel I am building my career and I feel like I have lost my strive in life outside of work. I get growing up is not a lot of fun but when do you start enjoying life outside of work again?

 

I seem to be struggling with wanting to meet people outside of work, I have watched people over the years go through this, they seem to just keep pushing through but I feel I am held to a different standard. There are a lot of days I just want to scream! There are many days I ask myself why are you going home and not doing anything. I know its ultimately my choice of what I do after work but then feel if I go have a drink or go to meet someone for dinner I will have some kind of hell to pay for doing what makes me happy.

 

I feel back between the ages of 18 and 22, even though I was struggling with everything in my life down too wondering if I was even going to have food to eat, that things in a way kept me going. Now that I don’t worry about these things, why has life became so uneventful? I always joke about things on Grindr and I had someone say to me today “You have to respond for anything to change.” Maybe they are right! Maybe I have became so caught up in not being worried about what I am use to, that I have became okay with life as it is. Deep down though, I am not okay with it.

 

I have had 7 months to think about a lot of thing. I have thought about relationships, my career, If I want to leave Charlotte and more importantly what I want to do to be happy. I have taken away all the distractions also known as “men.” I have always been on the “find a guy” train. Over the last few months I got off at the first stop. I stopped to try to deal with things. I was more upset over my heart being broken than I realized, and did not know at the time that that is what happened. I knew the only way for it to heal was to make a decision, I could either hook up a lot and just go with it or stop the game of lying to myself telling myself I was okay when I was not.

 

I think everything hit me over the last two weeks. When I found out my grandmother was dying my entire world stopped. I had no idea what to do other than stop what I was doing and go spend what time I had left with her. Those were the hardest 5 days of my entire life. During this time I wanted desperately for someone to just hold me and tell me it would be okay, instead I was wreck, dealing with things I should not of had to deal with. I was trying to be strong for her and my entire family. I wanted everyone to be okay even if I was not, because at some point I knew I would be. I know it was my decision to go spend what time I had left with her on this earth. But watching someone dying, especially someone who loved you when you felt like no one else in the world did will completely rip you apart. Seeing things that can’t be unseen.

 

With that said I have been very quiet and to myself over the last 4 days. Maybe this is a way of my grandmother saying “Adam, you need to be happy and I want to see you happy and if you ever fall, I will be there with you, watching over you and protecting you.” I think with all that said I need to work on being more social, responding to people more, caring about myself more, not look at my email when not at work. And really try this time to do these things.  Stop giving myself such a hard time when I don’t do everything everyone else is expecting me to do. Know that in the end, what others think really does not matter. Save those fucks for something worth giving a fuck about. And more than anything, stop worrying about what others think and start living my life for myself.

 

-Adam

 

Good afternoon and welcome to another post from yours truly, Adam! So after this weekend disconnecting and really thinking about things, I have a few topics I would like to talk about. It seems these topics are things people don’t want to discuss… so of course I am going to put it into the world and get a discussion started, thats what I do.

What has happened to Charlotte? So after being single and ready to mingle again I can’t help but to notice something has happened to Charlottes gay scene. Of course being back in the single state of mind you would think I would be ready to return to the bars, thats honestly the last thing I want to do. See back in 2014 when I had moved to Charlotte and the bar scene was completely different. If you wanted to go socialize and just have a drink you would go to 316. If you wanted to dance the night way and do things that would make your mother sad, you would go to Cathode, if you wanted to socialize and dance and have an amazing time you would head over to Marigny. Since then Cathode and Marigny are now closed and 316 has changed so much other the years I have no interest in going. Of course I enjoy going to Argon, Sidelines and The Woodshed, but I’m not dying to go. I miss the bar scene Charlotte use to have. It was fun, less drama and more drag shows.

I use to meet the most interesting and cool people out. I made an effort to try to meet everyone I could, I needed connections when I was younger. But now 6 years later why am I single in Charlotte and have such a hard time meeting new people, having just friends or even a decent date? I know people hold grudges, everyone has a past but you would think guys could just realize we all change, life catches up after time and things fall into place. I love when I see someone I have known for years become the most amazing version of themselves. Seeing them get the job they have been working for or that relationship they have always deserved. These are all milestones in everyone’s life. But sometimes we watch people who have hit rock bottom rise back stronger then ever. These people understand the struggle of seeing what life was, hitting the lowest lows and saying “You know what? Fuck this! It’s my life and I deserve better.” I think Charlotte have become a city that is less forgiving and more into the gossip and not giving the person a chance to prove themselves. This is not the Charlotte I remember.

We have gay sport teams, that bring people together but is it bringing them together for the right reasons? Some people love it, some don’t. I have considered it but I don’t enjoy playing sports. But what else do we have for the LGBTQ community in Charlotte other than that and bars? Why not have a coffee group, book club, workout team, photography crew, music society, creativity explorations or better yet a place for people to go just to meet others like them? Something that does not include alcohol, sex or drugs. I have always struggled finding my “place” in Charlotte. The bars are not the answer for me. And I feel like its either the bars or kickball and that makes me sad, I know I cant be the only one that feels like this! There is more to living in a city and being gay then a weekend of drinking and a Sunday game. If anyone reads this and would be interested in starting some kind of group that does not involve sex or alcohol for Charlotte, let me know! I would love to try to make this city a better place.

Another topic about Charlotte, Why is the gay men in community shaming each other for hooking up? I will give you my own experience. So about two maybe three weeks ago I started using Tinder, Grindr has became the Sears of the gay market. So I wanted to try something new, I wanted to meet more people in the “Friend” department. So I met this guy, he was 26, had a great smile and wanted to meet for Thai. I love food so of course I said yes. He had wanted me to meet him at a bar before dinner for drinks but I did not want to drink that early in the day and I was just getting off work. So we met at Starbucks. Had coffee, walked around the neighborhood and then went to Thai. After dinner I was still having a great time hanging out so we went to grab frozen yogurt. Now if you know me you know I talk a lot, its just who I am. Finishing up our yogurt he looked at me and said “you never shut the fuck up do you?” I was shocked but honestly glad I was called out on it. I was not upset or had any negative feelings towards the guys. So after that I gave him a ride to his apartment and went home.

Of course at this point I knew if we hung out again I needed to listen more, talk less. So we did, he invited me over to watch a movie, granted I go over and the first movie he puts on is called “Love” its on Netflix and if you go and watch the first five minutes, you will understand why it was awkward. And I’ll be honest, I wanted to be friends, no photos had ever really been sent between us, we had spoke on maybe hooking up but I was not sure honestly. But one thing led to another that night and of course we hooked up and honestly it was great! I was open to Friends, Friends with benefits, dates, whatever. But I guess I did not really make that clear in the beginning. He invited me to go to the brewery’s but I had no interest. I hate beer. Also I’m on a budget so that was just not on it at the time. But he said he did not see a point in being “emotionally invested in me.” Which is fine, once again I was open to whatever, He took it was I just wanted to fuck and that was it. So I told him “Do I like you? Yes! Do I think you want to date? NO. Do I think you want to be friends with benefits? Hopefully.” I also told him “I want to get to know the real you, and see where it goes if that’s weird, oh well.”

Now Over the weekend I went to Asheville to disconnect from technology, I needed a break from Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Grindr all of the apps. So it went pretty well. Saturday I had a friend from South Carolina drive up and hang out around the camp fire. It was a great time. First time meeting and camping is a pretty crazy thing to do but I wanted to hang out with someone. It was not to hookup and we did not! It was more of a great time to let someone meet you without being connected. I get back to Charlotte after a fabulous weekend in Asheville to only receive a text message from this guy from Tinder. Stating “Did this guy come up and spend time and do stuff with you?” I said “He drove up and sat around the fire with me and camped out with me.” The text message I received back was more like a what the fuck is happening kinda of moment. It read: “Did you fuck him?” At this point I am sitting here thinking to myself; “Why can’t I leave town for two days without gay drama?” There is always someone trying to rain on my parade.

Long story short, because I invited a friend up, because they posted a photo of us on social media just saying “what a great day.” And because I told this guy from Tinder I wanted to get to know the “real” him, and that I would be interested in more then a hookup, which in my book is on a friendship level. He thinks I’m now leading this guy on and telling him the same thing I told him on Tinder. The next thing that he said was shocking, I was asking myself why am I even trying to explain myself to this guy? I am not dating him, we just met, we hooked up, he told me he was not wanting to get “emotionally invested” and now he is going off the deep end. “You are just a whore, a big ole 23 year old whore, I was able to sleep with you so easily! You must of fucked that guy, your upset because your being called out for being a big ole whore, Someone is going to beat the fuck out of you if you keep this up.” My response was in shock, I was not mad for being called out, I have sex yes, Do I sleep with everyone and anyone no. There for I’m not a whore. I don’t tell every guy the same thing either. Some guys I am interested in just friends, others just a good time and then you have some that turn into more then just friends. I have also never been told “Someone is going to beat the fuck out of you if you keep on doing this.” I had done nothing wrong but why are we shaming each other for having sex? I was blown away from this entire phone call and wished him the best and ended whatever kind of relationship. I honestly felt disrespected. Especially when I’m just trying to be a good guy. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what your into, I am not going to judge you for how much sex your having, how often or with who or what ever. Be you and live your best life. Hell try something new. Thats just my experience.

Here is what I have found, people who want to “Shame” others for what they are doing or not doing, more then likely are not getting what they need or want from others in the same department. We should not shame one other for any reason, we all go through different things, shaming only makes someone feel bad or bitter towards a situation. Maybe thats part of what’s wrong with the community today, we make each other feel bad or ashamed for what we do. This only causes depression, isolation and social anxiety and we need to stop doing this to each other. Stop body shaming guys, stop with the “no fats, no fems.” We should embrace one another and support one another in everything. Instead we tear each other down. This has to stop.

My closing question is this; What happened to the scene in Charlotte? How can we make it better? And what can we do for those who want to meet people who are not interested in sex, drugs or alcohol?

How do you meet new people?

As always, be humble, be kind and love one another. We are all people who need people.

-Adam

Hello Everyone and welcome to another wonderful post from yours truly. So I have been so excited about my new web platform I am using for my new blog, I do think it is a closer fit to what I originally wanted. So I wanted to cover a topic in this post which is “Ghosting” so let jump right into it.

So back in July I met this guy on Grindr, he is something different that I’m not normally into, he is younger, 25 and in August after I had entered a relationship I had to back off due to the fact I don’t cheat. But being single again I reached back out. I was hoping to meet up for coffee, drinks, a NSA hookup whatever worked for me. So we had a chance to meet up and it was like pulling teeth. Gay rule number 1, if your not interested in someone please speak up, let them know. We are all adults but back on topic we had planned to meet up, at 7:30. 5:00pm rolled around and I received a text that he was not feeling well.

Of course at this point being the nice person I am, I allow this event to be rescheduled. So this was on Tuesday of last week, here we are on Monday of the following week and not a word. Here is the thing, I can handle if your not interested. If you don’t think it would be a good match, thats fine. I am a very forgiving individual. But to just ghost and never hear from you again is not okay. This is what’s wrong with the gay community today, I have no problem telling someone I am not interested, most guys can’t handle rejection. It’s a hard thing to deal with. But once you get over being upset about it and letting it be a learning experience things end up being so much easier.

As gay men we don’t just not like each other, we find things that make us uncomfortable or uncertain, once we move on from how it makes us feel and open your mind up to something “different” things tend to change. When you ghost someone it makes them feel like they said or did something wrong. If your on Grindr and just looking for a picture or conversation just be honest about it. If your honest about what you are or are not looking for I personally have more respect for you.

I at one time ghosted, I also did not care how the other person felt. But then it started to happen to me all the time. But now that I understand more how it makes someone feel I really try to let the person know what I’m looking for and my expectations. I can’t speak for everyone else but I value my time, for every moment I waste I will never be able to get that moment back. So there for when I’m investing time into you, please don’t discount my time.

How does it makes you feel when you ghost someone or when it happens to you? Why do you do it?

Get involved with this posting! I would love to know more of a community insight about the topic. So comment or contact me above.

Be kind to one another. Love Each other and as always stay gorgeous!

Xoxo,

Adam.

Hello everyone and welcome to another fabulous post from yours truly. Lets talk about sex, men and life changes. How maturing can change men, your life and sex.

So I have been feeling a few different things after being single and out of my last relationship and its the biggest change in my life since I came out. Recently I have been exploring a different type of guy that I normally would not.

For those of you who have known me for the past 10 years you probably know I normally attracted to more of the daddy type between the ages of 35-47. But after recently getting out of a relationship with someone who was 34 I have had a different craving. I am for the first time in my life looking to be friends with more people my age.

I think after a certain age and after being as much as an adult as I could between the ages of 17 and 22 paying all my bill, having to force myself to survive without anyone makes someone lets say 19 crave a guy who is older for multiple reason, first off older guys are often more successful, then they are normally more stable in their career, and they know what they want.

I never felt like I had anything in common with people my age. I was always worked jobs that were more important then your average 19 year old, but now that I’m 23 and working a great job, making decent money, maintaining the same place to live for a year, owning my car and having it paid off and working normal hours has really turned my world upside down.

First off and I will be honest there are a few things that I did not like about guys in their twenties. Most guys that are in their twenties normally and should party, I never really got to have a crazy late teen-early twenties. I was jealous so there was always a jealousy there because I wanted to party and have fun, but I had to make sure I would not do anything to put my job or life at risk. Then there was the sex. First off I hate when someone does not know what they want in bed, I don’t mind so much now because I have found out thats what makes it fun and enjoyable. I just wanted someone that knows what they wanted and how to do it. I did not have time to really enjoy it, it was more of “I need this, I don’t really want to do it but I need the edge taken care of.” Now that I am not as stressed or working super weird hours I have the time and energy to go and try new things. Now the interesting part is I have never had sex with anyone my age. I feel like a virgin.

And speaking of virginity, I think in your life as a gay man you often change up what you like, I think sometimes you can just be a bottom, or a top or versatile. But I think a lot of that has to do with your psychological state, for example I have never thought of myself as a top, I have always thought being versatile was the best way to go. That way your not constantly limiting yourself. The more I explore my sexuality I have started to think maybe I should stop being so afraid of what could happen and just let life happen. When you stop trying to associate sex with emotions you tend to be a much more relaxed person. In saying that, I think it is possible to have meaningless sex, then have sex with someone you want more then just sex with. I don’t think that a life full of meaningless sex is going to make you happy in the end, everyone wants someone.

I still love the older gay community, if it was not for them I would not be where and who I am today. They taught me things that I am so thankful for today. I hate when I hear the younger community say “he’s old, ew!.” Let me give you some advice, Not giving someone older a chance is limiting yourself. I have dated four guys in my life, ages 37, 35, 52 and 34. And I am only 23, Some people think its inappropriate, I say thank god for all of them, their wisdom is priceless.

I think life for me is finally just catching up and I am excited about exploring this new adventure with a different generation which happens to be my own. It’s a huge step in a great direction for myself. Maybe fate is finally on my side. Maybe my hard work is finally paying off. Who knows. All I do know is it feels so amazing to finally enjoy life with a new outlook on the people I am now comfortable being around.

So much in my life is changing, has anyone else ever had this happen to them? I would love to hear your story.

Xoxo

Adam

It just happens I have not wrote a post in a long time and I have a lot to say. I think first I’ll start with what’s new with me. Well to name a few things I have a new job I love, I am recently single and I have had to figure out how to rebuild my image after being out of the scene for a little over six months which has been a job of its own. But here we are February 25th and I’m ready to start my life back.

First and foremost rebuilding myself after a relationship was utterly painful! I went from having a lot of people in my corner to no one, talk about a culture shock! I felt like I have always been the one guy who has said “just because you’re in a relationship does not mean you need to throw all your friends away and push them to the side!” But yet I was that guy. It was my choice at the end of the day but sometimes when you want something so bad you do anything to make it work. I will never do it again. It has been too much work to repair relationships with friends and some will never forgive.

Rebuilding myself and hearing all kinds of crazy rumors has been eye opening yet surprising. I have never heard so much about my name and having someone take care of me in my life. Which surprises me because granted when I was younger I did need someone to help me out. I did what I had to and thankfully it made me who I am today. I feel in the gay community we judge each other for shit we have already done ourselves. I don’t care what you did, what your doing, if its helping you out and not hurting you or anyone else go for it. But don’t be like me and not accept help from people who truly care about you, that shit messes with you later in life. Now that I’m older and doing a lot better for myself I am thankful for all of those that helped me in the past. They set me up to depend on others less.

SuckLess sidebar as Willam would say: Don’t be ashamed of your past, its what made you “you” and without it you would not be the person you are today. I have learned that allowing someone to make you feel like you were wrong for doing those things is just not a good person, maybe they were more privileged then you. Still not an excuse.

Making your way back up to the front stage and being like yes things happened and yes I fucked up, but I am still here and as Michelle Obama would say “When they go low, we go high.” People will always think things of you and there will always be rumors, hell there is one about me that has been going on for seven years now, but you can try to clear them up or let them ride, I say let it ride and live your life. Good people end up saying they were wrong and ask for forgiveness. I have zero hard feelings towards anyone. If I really cared what others said I would not write this and I would not show my face in public. Yet here we are, Think About It.

A lot of people think I’m some crazy guy who will not hesitate to bring up something at the drop of a hat regardless of the situation. I like to think of myself as a pleasant person but once you go over that line I will ask a very direct question, I hate beating around the bush. I am getting old and tired at 23 and I just want transparency. We are all adults and we should be able to talk about our differences.

I mainly wanted to write this post really to say be you, don’t let what others say or think get you down, I have wasted enough time for everyone reading this. We are all unique in our on way. Be more open minded towards everyone’s situation and remember unless your a Kardashian your life was never easy. Love each other. Love Yourself, and remember you can do this. Life is what you make it so live your best life!

Xoxo

Adam

So it occurred to me finally and I fully understood what “a blessing and a curse” means. So while having a conversation, in which was very hard for me to have, someone finally made me realize what this saying means. We were talking someone being beautiful, like being physically beautiful. First off this is not a vane post, nor am I trying to speak highly of myself but someone finally made me realize something about myself I have denied for years.

I have always known that I was different then other people but it fully occurred to me how others view me. Let me start with how I see myself when I look in the mirror. The person that stares back at me is completely not how I feel on the inside, I look at myself and see all the imprefections. I see the stretch marks around my waste and back. I see the rosasha, I see eyes that are tired. I see someone who tries really hard to hide from the world whats inside.

I have always tried to look good. I hide with makeup and what makes others happy yet I am intimidated by others. If you know me your probably thinking “what in the fuck is Adam talking about?” Believe it or not I see other guys and wish to look like them. I don’t see myself as beautiful, I know I am attractive but I don’t want to become one of those guys who are assholes because they know they look good. I have always tried to be a down to earth person. I use my looks to protect me.

I have used my looks and body to get what I needed in the past. But someone pointed something out to me that I did not notice, only because I was use to it. When I walk into a bar when someone grabs my ass, or gropes my dick that is not okay. I honestly just put up with it to get by and get to who ever I was going to talk to. But this is not a good feeling when you can’t go to one gay bar and not be grabbed by someone. I did not give you permission to grope me or touch me and that is sexual assault.

Being attractive, or what my friend said which was “beautiful” is a blessing but a curse. On one hand you look great, on the other, everyone just wants to get with you because of the way you look and not just because your you. The truth is I have feelings under all the make up and glitter. I did not ask for my looks or to be blessed with an ass. And to be treated like a piece of ass feels really bad. I would honestly give my looks up to have someone who loved me for just me. Thankfully I have my looks because I don’t have much other going for me, I am really not that smart and I don’t have that great of a job. But since this has been brought to my attention I had to write about it.

There was a time in my life where I needed the attention to get day to day to make me feel important. So I would do things like glitter hairspray or tight jeans or make up. Now I don’t want all the attention, I just want to be me, and I am happy with myself. I don’t want all the attention of the world. Thats one reason I deleted my old facebook and tried to rebrand myself. I wanted people to see the new “Adam.”

I wonder if I will ever have a normal relationship with always getting attention, will the other person be able to handle it and truly still like me for me? I use to love the attention but I am starting to hate it. I wish guys would not see me as a 22 year old sex symbol. I have made my fair share of bad decisions in my life but when do people look past those and actually see the real you? I have always felt like if someone can look past the past and the looks and really look deep down they could see someone amazing.

I want to know what its like.

Dear 18-year-old Adam:

Its your senior year and there will be a-lot of obstacles, don’t give up because you will often times want to. Instead of running to Charlotte every chance you get stick around to hang out with friends from high school and build relationships with people even if your scared to. You will meet a guy and he will break you heart because he wants the best for you but don’t let it turn you bitter. There will be plenty of men in the future and this one is simply not the one for you.  Shortly after Christmas you will become homeless but it will be okay because your strong enough too handle it. During this time a lot of unfair things will happen but you are smart enough to get through any obstacle. Don’t be afraid to allow people to help you, you don’t always have to act okay when your not.

Its okay to ask for help during this time instead of doing things that will hurt you down the road. Its okay to be 18 and need money for food and going to the doctor and its important for you to have a safe space to stay. Don’t feel guilty for what you had to do to make it day to day. After graduation you will move in an apartment in Charlotte knowing you can’t afford it but you will continue to make it work as long as possible. You will meet a guy and you will get engaged in September, this will all fall apart and when it does you are going to give up and loose everything including your home and car, but it will be okay. You will meet a total stranger and get in their car and end up in Atlanta, while there you will experience hell. You can say “NO” but of course your too scared of what will happen if you say no so you lay there and allow him to rape you because your afraid if you don’t have sex with them you will not have a place to live or food to eat. This is not okay and it will effect you for a few years till you forgive yourself.

In early December you will come home and you will couch surf for a year, and you will have some of the best but also lowest times of your life during this time. But you will push through it like you always do. And jumping off the bridge over 277 is not an option and will never be one so stop being dramatic and let people know you need help because you can’t do everything by yourself.

One of the best things you will learn during this time is not only how strong you are but also how to live and use your resources and do what you have to, to keep your head above water.

Stop eating McDonalds at 3am and enough diet cokes.

Don’t be afraid to ask for a ride home if its 30degrees outside and all you have is a small coat and a pair of leather boots that have a hole in the bottom of them. You can’t afford to get sick.

Forgive mom and dad, we all make mistakes in life and both you and them could of handled the situation better.

Know its okay to be a mess at 18, you will figure it all out.

Pay your bills, it will make life easier later, credit does matter.

Try to stop smoking.

Don’t allow others to make you feel less.

Understand you are beautiful and not broken.

Stop beating yourself up and give yourself some credit!

Put the painkillers down before they kill you.

The next few years will have many ups and downs but please enjoy being young and crazy, stop being scared of the world and please don’t think everyone is out to hurt you. Please stop worrying about money and being upset that you never had a normal childhood and that you can’t always afford to do what everyone else is doing. You are only 18. You will become a beautiful person with a huge heart, you will have many road trips to Myrtle Beach and many flights to many different places. And you will make many, many, many fuckups. But they will make you, you and even more fabulous and they will be learning experiences.

Love,

Edge of 23 Adam.

PS……..Everytime you fail you will gain something. Sometimes we have to loose to win again! Love yourself and wear those shoes or pants or do your hair the way you feel beautiful. You don’t have to be what everyone wants you to be. Be you and live your life for you, that will set you free.
Hello, and welcome to another fabulous post from yours truely and I’m not talking about that amazing malt beverage.

So this past Saturday I went to an event at the local LGBT bar in Charlotte called Argon, They were having an event called FūRNACE, And if you know me I don’t go to many events but now that I am no longer attending anything at Bar 316/1820 I am seeing the other options and opportunities at other places and it has been quite a refreshing experience.

In a way I miss Bar 316 but in other ways I’m glad to no longer be part of the drama, Especially coming from someone who would go their religiously and not walk foot into any other establishment. But with this fantastic event at Argon I realized somethings. First and foremost, we desperately need more events like this one. It was a mix of all the gay tribes: Bears, Twinks, Jocks, Mussel, Guy Next Door, Otters, everyone! It was like we were a community again for one night. It was free of drama and had some awesome music. Charlotte needs this kind of bar and events to keep things interesting. So Kudos to the bar and event planner!

With these kind of events it brings opportunity to meet new people, network, and dance the night away. I feel like this should be a once a week thing. But a theme every week. I mean lets be honest, who does not love a good 80s theme night?

Going to new bars like Argon and the Woodshed already and Chasers and Scorpios are still not on my list, I am honestly meeting so many new people and experiencing so many new things. It’s amazing how one bad experience and being over the bar drama will open up new connections. I honestly regret not going to Cathode more when it was open. I am just over the entire bar wars and crazy shit that is happening with different places. I would rather spend my money else where.

This makes me extremely excited about pride this year, its normally the same old take over at a SPG/Marriott property, then to Bar 316 then either drunk at home or at a house after party. But this year it is a new bar, new people and a change of mind and plans for pride.

I challenge all my LGBT friends this year at pride to do something different, change your bar up, do something you have always wanted to do and lets let 2018 pride be one we wont forget!

Hello Beautiful People. And welcome to another wonderful post from yours truly. Oh my gosh guys, So many new things are happening. From no longer smoking to getting back in touch with my intuition by exploring the use of crystals, and no I don’t mean crystal meth. I’m talking about the solid mineral that come from earth, not grown in a bath tub or a kiddie pool in the back office of a store at the outlet mall.

So what everyone is going to be so happy about is I quit smoking one week ago today. Lord this second time quitting has not been easy, for one Chantix is the devil. First off the dreams I have are just so insane and quite scary, secondly why is it that I can take the little blue pill (Chantix is a little blue pill, its not the one your thinking of, I don’t require Viarga yet.) but why is it that I take this devil of a pill and feel like i’m dying 5 minutes later? This is a terrible side effect and I would rather smoke then have that feeling. Enough about that, Thanks for the support.

Moving on, Now the Crystals, oh the crystals! It will probability the closest thing I will ever get to a diamond in my life but I’m quite okay with that, crystals have value too. There is something about the vibrations you feel when you hold a type of crystal that can really help your mood, energy, clear your mind, optimize your health, remove creativity block, bring abundance and prosperity, relieve stress and anxiety, cultivate love and protect against bad energy. Its all truly amazing. I have really been into it the last 2 weeks. And I can tell my life is changing slowly but surely. I feel more relaxed, I can breath better, I can tell a difference in my mood, I can tell my mind is clear and I can focus on one thing more in detail. And I can tell my energy is elevated to a much higher place then it was before.

So it was official, my virginity has been renewed, after a two and a half months without sex. Honestly I have no idea what was happening with me or why it was just not happening. Its so funny though because the entire time I kept seeing those “Day 98 without sex: I slammed on breaks so my seatbelt could choke me” memes going around the internet. And I hate to say it but its true, I’m so glad to know I am not the only one experiencing a drought. So also a week ago when I quit smoking I also deleted all the gay apps. So its been a difficult week, I have asked myself everyday why I pay Verizon a fortune every month when I don’t use my phone now. But then it happened, after having 2 dates with a guy who I’m very much interested in that happens to be 26 it happened. I felt like a new man afterwords.

Now, who does not love a good cup of tea? And I’m not talking about the one you drink either. So I really did not want to talk about this, but I was unfortunately roofied for the first time about 4 weeks ago. On June 22 I joined some coworkers for a cocktail, after 1 vodka sprite and a shot of patron I started to feel extremely drunk. If you know me I can have about 6 strong cocktails and be fine. I don’t ever get super intoxicated in public due to I think if your going to drink you should be able to hold your liquor. It’s common courtesy. After starting to feel this way, I requested an Uber, was not even able to make it back inside to close my tab due to the fact my body was starting to shut down, almost did not make it to my car but thankfully a friend was helping me, got home spent at least 5 minutes trying to figure out how to get in my front door, got inside alone because my roommate was in Europe, made it up the stairs, and half way into the bathroom, as I laid on the floor I started convulsing, and getting sick and blacked out. Woke up the next morning in my bed with all my clothes on, a broken Apple Watch face and confused.

Since then I have not been back to the establishment, After talking to countless other people and they had the same thing happen after being to the same place, Here is my issue,  First off everyone is roofed probably once in there life, its unfortunate but it happens I guess. I did not think it would ever happen to me but it did. To whom ever decided to put something in my drink and others, When you think its cute or whatever reason you did it. Remember, you are putting that persons life in danger, if they drive home, they could hit and kill someone or themselves and guess what, it would come back on the establishment, prime example a peer of mine who I saw out had the same thing happen to him, he was on a date and woke up in his car at a different establishment, having no idea or memory of ever driving there and a text from his date saying “What the fuck man”. This is not okay but karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around. It’s a fact. Since then I have had maybe 3 cocktails in a months time. It’s so sad, I truly do miss my vodka sprite, or should I say Titos with a drop of sprite. I feel like I am 17 again and never had liquor.

Look, these are my options, and experiences, I protect everyones privacy. No Individuals or Establishments were included in this blog. I have every right as an individual to write about what I please. Thats what freedom of speech is all about. And this blog is all about being open and honest without fear. Not trying to put anyone down or badmouth anyone because I am all about Positive Vibes and Positive Energy. I wish everyone could feel the way I do and express themselves. Don’t Every forget. The Truth Will Set You Free.

– Adam

So I have wanted to write about the use of drugs in the gay community for a long time. And I was not sure how to start this so I’ll give it a whirl. First and foremost I am not writing about this topic to put anyone down or judge them, I just want to understand it. So here within the past 6 months I have noticed a few things that I don’t quite understand. Why is it in the gay community is the use of drugs so high?

Don’t get me wrong I am not in the straight community enough to know what they use and why they do it but I can speak for my experience in the gay community. So with that being said, my experience with the use of drugs has always been very limited, not because I am against it, mainly its because I have enough issues with my body that I don’t need anymore. But I have been offered Molly and Cocaine and Ecstasy, and I have watched people who do it and they seem to have a ton of fun while under the influence of it.

So with the offer always standing I don’t try for another reason, one of the largest I work for an airline and we are drug tested for everything. In which we should. But there is this new drug (which is old but new to me) if its any constellation, growing up I did not know the difference between weed and marijuana, if that explains anything. But this “new” drug that keeps coming up is called “G” and from what I understand its the same thing as the date rape drug minus the alcohol. And from my research its “GHB”.

And from what I have been told its gives you a high but you CAN NOT drink with it. But from what I see in the news “G” is one of the easiest drugs to over dose on. It’s honestly kind of funny how I found out about it. Someone who I use to have relations with and is in the medical field, him and his “poesy” were all out one night and I asked what they were on because it was definitely not alcohol, they were all drinking red bull and water and what not, so I knew it was some kind of drug.

So being the bold person I am, I asked. He said it was “G”. Since that night I have noticed and wondered,  “Okay whats all these guys on?” The ones that are not drinking its obvious at that point. And who knows I might be completely wrong.

But with that all being said I have asked people I know who experiment with drugs why? Some say its because it makes them feel better as a person, others say its only a recreational thing they do. Some use it purely for sex and to take that to a whole new level. Which in all honesty I really can’t judge anyone for any of there own personal reasons they use it. It’s their life, their body, and their decision.

I just want to understand why because I can’t experience any of them. For the ones that say they use drugs to make them feel better, why not just be you and let us see the “real” you and let us love that instead of this mask or wall you put up to not allow us to see it? For those that use it for recreational use, that’s great. And for those who use it to make your sex so much better, what is it actually doing? Does it make you be able to go at it for hours? Does it make you have multiple orgasms that are mind blowing? And lets face it, every single gay man wants to be able to fuck like a porn star.

I just want to understand it, I know its hard to understand something without trying it first but when your not in a position to be able to try, you need ways to understand it. Personally I have noticed in the community that if your willing to take part in the use of drugs people tend to like you more. Because as far as I have read the use of Drugs and Alcohol in the gay community as always been alive and well, but its like within the past 6 months to a year its been way more noticeable. Maybe I have just started to be more social instead of being on my phone while at a bar or an event. Maybe I have just started paying more attention to whats going on.

But I want to make it clear, I am not judging anyone, I don’t think any less of you if you partake in the use of drugs and this is coming from someone who at one point in my life had an issue with Hydrocodone, I took it to make me feel better about myself, because at one point Charlotte made me feel so much less than everyone else here. I did not have the money of others, I had a fucked up childhood, I was not having the sex like everyone was and I did not have the job like everyone else and I did not have my “Click” I was apart of because I consider myself an equal opportunist, I want to be friends with everyone. I don’t want to limit the people who I can hang out with or have a good time with. So I took a drug everyday to make me feel better. The moment I realized I had to do something about it was when I was loosing my job and loosing control of my life. I left Charlotte and moved to the beach to work on myself. I had to find what made me happy again.

Now that I am “Sober” from the use of drugs I have realized I don’t need to make the same money and its okay that I had a rough childhood and have the same sex and have a ton of friends to love myself and feel good about Adam. It has taken along time for me to realize these things. Everyday I have the constant reminder of the past, things that hurt me and that effected me, but I deal with them every morning before getting out of bed. I do it by telling myself its going to be a great day and a new start and that I have came a long way. So that’s my story. No Judgment, I get it.

So what are your thoughts, comment below or email me. adamefird1@icloud.com