I moved to Orlando, Florida almost two weeks ago and did something I was scared of! If you would of asked me six months ago if I thought I would leave North Carolina, the answer would of been no. In life I have always been afraid of taking chances. Doing something different or new. When this opportunity was offered to me of living in Orlando, I made my mind up that moment. There were times I did not think I would actually do it but I took a leap of faith.
Before I left North Carolina, I stayed in Albemarle, my hometown for three weeks. The longest I have been there since February of 2014. I told myself to not leave without trying to close doors and make peace with things that were left untouched and open, or at the very least try to. I hated my hometown since the day I left 7 years ago, as that is the place that hurt me the most.
While I was there, I stayed at the only place that’s ever truly felt like home to me. The lake house. Where my favorite childhood memories and times with my grandparents and where I could always find unconditional love at. It was the most relaxing and enjoyable three weeks I had in a very long time. I reflected, went places I loved as a child and young adult that I had not visited in 10+ years.
Places like where my grandmother would take me to go on adventures and where my dad and I would spend every Saturday morning fishing, where I took my first flight. Ate at my favorite restaurants that I grew up going to. I went to visit all of my grandparents final resting places and talked to them and cried and told them about this move. Asked them to protect me and be by my side every moment of everyday because I needed their strength as I was weak.
When I finally got in my car to make the 10 hour drive to Florida, I told myself that I could not look back. I had a chance to change my life and restart. I learned sometimes you have to leave the place that hurt you the most and made you feel completely broken to heal and be happy again.
In the last two weeks, I have changed from being depressed, never coming out of my room to not talking to people to smiling again. I get up in the mornings, I have a routine, I exercise and met a few good people and I think made a really great friend. I have two wonderful roommates who joke around and talk to me, invite me to do things and make me smile and feel important. I know they love me and deeply care as our friendship even over the last 4 years, times together, times apart. They never left. They never changed. They loved me unconditionally.
I realized over the last two months that I do have regrets but I learned from those mistakes. I reached out to friends from over the years who were always good friends to me, but I was not a good friend in return. I asked for forgiveness and took full responsibility for what I had done and my actions. Sometimes approaching life a different way, in a different place, doing something that you don’t know what will happen, how things will turn out, but you hope for the best! That is when you start living life again.
I am excited about my future! I have a blank canvas that I get to choose. A chance to just be me, Adam. Not someone who covered up his true feelings and deep down protected himself. Where no one could touch it.
Twenty-Five years of being unhappy and depressed and no longer wanted to be alive.
From this point on, I choose happiness. I choose love. I choose life I choose Respect. I will not accept anything less.
Life is precious. Life is short, you have to follow your heart and do what truly makes you happy. Take chances, its okay to be scared. Everyday, live it like it’s your last. Enjoy and love, spend time with people who make you feel special! Where you can just be you. I spent years not being me or being happy, not wanting to live. I am thankful and consider myself one of the lucky ones. I wrote this, some never will. But thank god!
It’s time to paint this canvas in beautiful colors of me, the colors I always hoped they would be.